Kylie // 'The Greatest Album of All Time' (working title, album unconfirmed, release date TBA)

God, look how much Botox she's pumped into those lips.

Oh, right, you wanted me to post about her MUSIC. Well, I heard a rumour a while ago that Kylie was set to record a cover of this year's fabulous but tragically universally-ignored The Girl and the Robot by umlaut-tastic electro-ambiencepoppers Röyksopp featuring the delightfully ubiquitous (well, in THIS genre at least) vocal talents of Robyn. As the end-of-year/decade lists become, well, less delightfully ubiquitous, attention of course focuses on the more spectacularly universal tracks, of which the aforementioned track devoted to femme avec robot is one.

So, I was taken by a thought inspired whilst listening to Miike Snow's Plastic Jungle, which I thought bore more than a passing resemblence (in a more lo-fi, trashy, parodical way) to the also once less delightfully ubiquitous Can't Get You Out of My Head (how horrifically prescient that song title turned out to be!), and then...an idea was forged.

Yes, you guessed it. A 2CD Kylie album devoted to covering flop electropop tracks.

Obviously such a confection shall never come to the light of day, but in my head she just sent out a press release announcing the tracklisting to be as follows (and one resplete with YouTube links for those of us unfamiliar with the originals, how thoughtful of her!), and I personally cannot wait.

01 // Vinegar (original by Anna Abreu)
02 // Chelsea (original by Stefy)
03 // What A Feeling (original by Namie Amuro)
04 // Bossy (original by Lindsay Lohan)
05 // Reprogram My Heart (original by Linda Teodosiu)
06 // Hello Heartbreak (original by Michelle Williams)
07 // Can't Let Go (original by Linda Kiraly)
08 // Pick Me Up (original by Emilia de Poret)
09 // Chewing Gum (original by Annie)
10 // Into the Nightlife (original by Cyndi Lauper)
11 // I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me (original by Annie)
12 // Method of Modern Love (original by Saint Etienne)

01 // The Girl and the Robot (original by Röyksopp ft. Robyn)
02 // You Made Your Bed (original by Red Blooded Women)
03 // Plastic Jungle (original by Miike Snow)
04 // One Word (original by Kelly Osbourne)
05 // Anthonio (original by Annie)
06 // Will You Remember Me Tomorrow? (original by Margaret Berger)
07 // Mysterious (original by Isabel Guzman)
08 // Destroy Everything You Touch (original by Ladytron)
09 // Baptized By Fire (original by Spinnerette)
10 // Winter Rose (original by Firefox AK)
11 // Magic (original by Ladyhawke)
12 // Embrace (original by PNAU ft. Ladyhawke)

As I'm sure you can all see, singles would be almost impossible to choose (they all deserved to be hits the first time around!). However, my preferred order would PROBABLY be something along the lines of The Girl and the Robot > Will You Remember Me Tomorrow? > Destroy Everything You Touch > Into the Nightlife > Embrace/Magic double A-side. Even that, which is oriented towards covering most of the flavours and moods on the album, still misses out a lot of the mood on the first CD, so it would obviously be quite difficult and very open to the prospect of the record label being absolute twats with single choices.

But seriously, someone put me in touch with her publicist. THIS MUST HAPPEN.

Trashlexis Top 101 of the 00s // 80-76

Here are more songs you should like. If you do not like them, please exercise your freedom of speech so I can reply with a humorous gif of some sort.

080 // Nelly Furtado – Powerless (2003) // #1
079 // Aaliyah – More Than A Woman (2002) // #1
078 // Sugababes – Hole In The Head (2003) // #1
077 // Missy Elliott – Pass That Dutch (2003) // #1
076 // Britney Spears – Born To Make You Happy (2000) // #1

I'm of the opinion that Powerless gets WAY too much hate. Yeah, it's rednecky, yeah it's ethnic to the max and really not conducive to a big comeback, and it was a dubious choice for lead single, but it's a nice song that really underpeaked considering how much airplay it got. And don't get me started on chart injustices from this album; I'll never stop. Mo' to come from this lady.

I'm of the very offensive opinion that Aaliyah just retroactively ripped off Ciara. More Than A Woman, however, is an absolute tune. Hence inclusion etc.

Let us clear this one up. I have VERY LITTLE TIME for the Sugababes pre-Amelle. The singles tended to be very hit-and-miss (contrary to the rest of the world, I was never all that fussed over Round Round). Hole In The Head however is sleek, foxy, and really represents what the Sugababes were supposed to be best I feel. Not to say I don't love their other material (and indeed, they have another entry on this chart (and no, it isn't Girls) later on), but HITH will go down as a BBZ classic. Not to mention it being one of the few things worth bothering about in the musical desert that was 2003.

UNDENIABLE CLUB SMASH. Pass That Dutch made the already spectacular Mean Girls about three times as good. I would also like to have this track playing as I walk down corridors with my bitchy friends thx.

Born To Make You Happy is classic mid-tempo throwaway pop balladry at its best. This must be recognised as fact.

Trashlexis' Top 101 of the 00s // 85-81

MORE GOOD SONGS.

085 // Muse – Hysteria (2003) // #1
084 // Nelly Furtado – I’m Like A Bird (2001) // #1
083 // Kate Nash – Foundations (2007) // #1
082 // Sam Sparro – Black & Gold (2008) // #4
081 // Hercules and Love Affair; Antony Hegarty – Blind (2008) // #DNC

Hysteria = teen angst anthem. I'm Like A Bird = teen angst anthem. Foundations = teen angst anthem. Black & Gold = teen (with philosophy textbook) angst anthem. Blind = teen disco-revival anthem. THIS IS AN ANGSTY LIST.

Actually, it isn't.

Trashlexis' Top 101 of the 00s: 90-86

090 // Death Cab For Cutie – I Will Follow You Into The Dark (2005) #DNC
089 // Black Eyed Peas – My Humps (2005) #1
088 // Beyoncé; Jay-Z – Crazy In Love (2003) #1
087 // Holly Valance – Kiss Kiss (2002) #1
086 // Samantha Mumba – Gotta Tell You (2000) #1

Death Cab aren't normally my thing, but I Will Follow... is just GORGEOUS. It probably slips too far into 'Hey There Delilah' territory for most other people, but I love so it stays.

EVERYTHING about My Humps tells me I should despise it. The ridiculous lyrics, the...well, the lyrics are probably reason enough. BUT OMG IT JUST WORKS. Even if the 'my lovely lady lumps' line makes me think of Fergie as a supermodel who's just had a car accident and now has a mental age of 6.

I know of nobody who dislikes Crazy In Love, apart from people who don't like music. APOLS FOR OFFENDING PEOPLE IN ADVANCE.

MWAH. I really, really hope Holly actually returns to music (and is produced by Frankmusik mmhm) next year, because at her best she was really quite something. Still, to quote somebody, every ho and their weave are doing electropop these days, so it'll probably all go to shit anyway.

Gotta Tell You is on this list by virtue of being one of the few pop songs from 2000 that doesn't sound so horrifically dated that I want to put my ears in a blender. GOOD WORK SAM. Poor bish probably looks back on getting top fives with longing seeing as she couldn't even sell 100 tickets for a live performance last year. As ever, I blame the record labels.

Trashlexis' Top 101 of the 00s // 95-91

095 // Christina Aguilera; Redman – Dirrty (2002) // #1
094 // Britney Spears – Womanizer (2008) // #1
093 // Priscilla Renea – Dollhouse (2009) // #1
092 // Ke$ha – TiK ToK (2009) // #2
091 // Janet Jackson – Feedback (2008) // #1

Yeah, Dirrty is Xtina going trashy, therefore amazing etc. In truth, my love for Dirrty is entirely mindless. It's a good track mK?

OK, I KNOW. Womanizer is basically just a mash-up of Ooh Ooh Baby and Radar. BUT, it makes it amazing so that's why it's on here. Plus, it also has the greatest video featuring a dance scene in an office of 2008. FACT. That explosion of people 2 minutes and 7 seconds in still excites me today. Truly glorious video. Square eggs? Love it.

Dollhouse! This track is adorable in the verses, but so energetic and empowered in the chorus, yet somehow it all WORKS. Throw in some Hot N Cold-esque production and a killer delivery from Priscilla and you have one of my favourite tracks of the year so far. I was surprised to see it Bubble Under in America, but disappointed that it didn't go any further DOLLHOUSE TO SMASH WORLDWIDE IN 2010 KTHX?

Well, TiK ToK is basically just my night before AND morning after anthem. And night after the morning after the night before anthem. I don't care if it's just a slutted up version of Love At First Sight, it's an absolute killer tune. Ke$ha also just today proved there's more to her by leaking an album which is probably going to be the album of 2010 for me, seeing as basically everything on there could be a single.

FEEDBACK LOL. Seriously, this was the best thing that this bish had recorded in, what, seven years? But even so, this electro&B groove would've been NOTHING without that hilariously dire middle eight. As lyrics go 'FLIER THAN A PELICAN' and 'I'M HEAVY LIKE A FIRST DAY PERIOD' are definitely amongst the greatest of the decade, if not all time. Possibly even better in the 'so awful it's amazing' stakes than Diva AND See You Again!

Actually, that's a complete lie.

Top 101 of the 00s! // 101-96

After much deliberation, I have FINALLY whittled down a decade of fantastic songs (all 404 via Spotify) to 101 essential tracks for defining the decade. UNFORCH due to Spotify unavailability some spectacular tracks (about 10 or 20?) missed out, but I'll do an addendum afterwards covering 'em. Until then, feast yourself on a gluttonous orgy of spectacular music!

POSITION // ARTIST - SONG (YEAR) // PEAK POSITION ON MY CHART

All songs have YouTube links, where possible.

101 // The 411 - Dumb (2004) // #2
100 // The Pussycat Dolls; Timbaland – Wait A Minute (2006) // #1 (1 week)
099 // Beyoncé – Diva (2009) // #3
098 // Beyoncé – Sweet Dreams (2009) // #3
097 // Stereophonics – Dakota (2005) // #1 (2 weeks)
096 // Jamiroquai – Seven Days In Sunny June (2005) // #1 (4 weeks)

OK I CHEATED SOZ. I had to have 101 because, generic as it is, Dumb is just too fantastic to be left out.

Wait A Minute is ALSO a tune, being the first hint that KFC addiction was providing Timbaland with inspiration, even if the muse has worn off a tad by now.

OK, let's just clear this up. DIVA IS ACTUALLY AMAZING. I too despised it at first, but realised the error of my ways. Beyoncé getting out her angry black gurrrl ALWAYS = win. Except on Video Phone, that remains f***ing dire even with GodGa's addition. Sweet Dreams is also spectacular but is on here more for reasons of great memories if it seems an odd inclusion.

Dakota is the only good song the Stereophonics have ever done. FACT. End of the matter, they can die now thx.

I used to be a MASSIVE Jamiroquai fan but the passage of time really hasn't been kind to their music Seven Days... does remain a summer anthem of mine however, and it'd be pretty hard for it not to seeing as it's pretty timeless. Feels Just Like It Should on the other hand...

Forgive me baby, cos I gotta take a chance tonight

I can't be the first blogger to take a completely unplanned/enforced three-week blog break, can I?

I'll find more stuff to talk about as and when, this album STILL won't let me out of its grasp.

The AMAs...

...were shit-tastic. I might give a full review of the whole shebang tomorrow but frankly I believe it says it all that Lady GaGa took home NO awards, whilst Taylor Swift and Michael Jackson got two apiece. Sometimes ahead of GaGa. WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA, WHAT THE FUCK?

Well, at least Adam Lambert got to piss off some conservatives.

An open plea to Jasmine

Quickly, before I remember The Fame Monster exists.




















The woman you see above you is Jasmine. You may or may not be aware of her. Jasmine, former backing singer for Nelly Furtado and mastermind behind Kylie's SPECTACULAR Rippin Up The Disco, burst onto the electro pop princess scene around the second quarter of 2008 with a series of spectacular demos which indicated we were about to witness the perfect lovechild of Cyndi Lauper, Nelly Furtado, Prince and basically EVERYONE AMAZING. One of these demos in particular, The Truth, was uploaded...but only in a 1:30 clip. This clip however was enough to persuade us that the Second Coming had indeed arrived. In Jasmine form. We wanted the full version, but fair enough we thought - she'd only just burst onto the scene, we'd see it eventually.

Plus, High On Your Supply was totally killer enough to tide us over (it's still on her MySpace for those who are interested).

HOWEVER, what happened next probably has to go down as one of the biggest disappointments ever for me musically (even moreso than the complete mismanagement of Little Boots' career by Atlantic). She...disappeared. Her MySpace was left untendered for months, and we were left wondering whether we would ever hear a full version of what was looking to be THE GREATEST SONG OF ALL TIME. We heard she went off and got married. Then, disappointingly, we heard rumours that Jasmine wanted to concentrate on songwriting from now on...

BUT, she came back after a few months' absence. And, erm, uploaded a cod-reggae demo with some bubbly synths but not much else. Then she took almost all of her spectacular demos down (with the exception of High On Your Supply and Restless Heart), put up some far more underwhelming ones, and announced to us all that she was spending the next year focusing on a project...called Little Ducks Production, which was to focus on making sing-along albums for toddlers.

Fair enough Jasmine. It's dear to your heart. But surely you must see that this is a massive waste of your talents? (Thankfully she has taken the time out to produce some fantastic music recently - I reference you to Dollface's poptastic Miss Jamaica, which is a smash hit just WAITING to happen) Especially after those KILLER demos you came out with. However, I have just one wish. I wouldn't at all mind you going off to do music for kids, I wouldn't at all mind you abandoning us for months on end without the slightest hint of what's happening with what looked to be the most exciting pop prospect of the decade, if only you FINALLY uploaded a full version of The Truth. Please? We've been waiting for over a year now Jasmine, put us pop trash addicts out of our miseries...hell, I'll even give you the 79p for the track myself!

Jasmine - The Truth (1:26 clip)
Jasmine on MySpace

And now, back to pop perfection which IS already in my grasp...

5 reasons why sensible blogging is impossible in late November 2009

HE ATE MY HEART AND THEN HE ATE MY BRAIN HE ATE MY HEART AND THEN HE ATE MY BRAIN HE ATE MY HEART AND THEN HE ATE MY BRAIN.

You may have deduced by now that I am not in a particularly fit state to blog about anything I have not blogged about before. I think rehab is almost certainly required for this album; I started a Crusade against GaGa haters this morning and ended the day with a kill count. That's how you KNOW an album is too good for its own good.

Normal service will hopefully be resumed within the year. Hopefully.

It's true, when the clock strikes 12 I change...

Yeah, I'm still being imprisoned by The Fame Monster. I could totally do a prescient lyrical quote from Monster, but quite frankly quoting the thing has just become hackneyed :( I'll just continue to worship it with repeated plays, although hopefully not to the point where I destroy it a la Loose (SOZNELLY, IT'S MY FAULT I CAN'T APPRECIATE YOUR POP MASTERPIECE ANYMORE, IT'S ME NOT YOU etc.). So...with those other eight albums I have on my plate, and me still stuck on the greatest starter of all time (I'M HAPPY FOR YOU LEONA, N IMMA LETCHU FINISH, BUT LADY GAGA...), I think I might skip to the dinner mints a bit early just to tame your hunger pangs, you demanding beasts you. Here's some shit you've probably already heard:

Fabio Lendrum - Don't Wait For Me


Yes, let's be grown up and move past the fact that Fabio Lendrum is QUITE FIT. After all, if we were to judge on that basis then we'd end up with Lloyd as X Factor winner and wouldn't THAT be just a slap in the face of our grand meritocracy? (To all those about to point out that things could be worse, I would like to remind you that Jedward are offensive on an aural AND visual level. Key difference, different point.)

Anyway, enough of tiring 'reality' commentary. Fabio here is following up on the whole Frankmusik/Calvin Harris brigade and proving that men can do electro/dance music without automatically being eligible for the title of CAMPEST THING EVER TO EXIST. Key track, Don't Wait For Me, which has been knocking around for a couple of months now, is a key example of this, and it's certainly spectacular enough (in that I don't think either Frank or Calvin have done anything this good yet) that I certainly hope that Warner get around to releasing it soon enough in 2010 before the Great British public's lust for poppers o'clock (oh! the irony!) anthems dies off and they move back on to worshipping shit dad-rock or grunge or wherever the god-awful circular nature of pop music culture takes us next year. Well, in the past six years, in order, we've revived the 70s, 60s and the 80s...oh dear god, we're due for a reappraisal of Britpop. Fucking great.

No chance of keeping the 80s revival going for another year or two? None at all?


Rating: 9.5/10
Fabio Lendrum on MySpace

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me?





















For the record, Adam Lambert totally scares me. This is the least terrifying picture I could find of him (that album cover gives me NIGHTMARES).

HOWEVER, biatch is capable of coming out with a good tune. Well, when I say biatch, I am actually referring entirely to P!nk, who penned this rather, erm, P!nk-esque track. The backstory goes that WWFM? was going to go on Funhouse but relationship changes with Corey made it somewhat inappropriate, so it got dropped...and made its way to Adam here, who's currently GaGa/Mercury-ing it up with lead single For Your Entertainment (which is QUITE GOOD). However, Whataya Want From Me is far superior (to the extent that every time I try to review the album, I go a minute into Strut and then skip back to it. Then I skip back to The Fame Monster...), and sounds like the sort of thing that could do WONDERS for the boy if released. Here's hoping Ms. Moore lets him, because I can totally see radio lapping this song up - hell, it could even get him places over here in Britain!


(APOLS FOR THE VIDEO FEATURING THAT ALBUM COVER)
Rating: 10/10
Adam Lambert on MySpace

And that's me tapped out for the night. What else? Oh, episode 10 of Glee was AMAZING. I'm now sadly back to junkie status after my 40 minute high of Glee, and so will have to return to The Fame Monster for the next week as the methadone to my Glee heroin.

I swear these artistic geniuses are trying to kill me.

For the benefit of UK viewers...

Glee, the smash hit American comedy-drama-musical TV series, will be making its way to our shores next year and be shown on...E4. Trust Channel 4 to get its priorities right.

But still, from the poster above I have no doubt the majority of you will be nay-sayers. You want me to describe Glee in several words? OK. Think High School Musical, but if it had been adapted into a TV series and wasn't shit, had songs which have a modicum of relevance to modern pop culture (actually, screw a modicum: I'd say the majority of the songs are either pretty influential on the modern pop scene or are a part of it!), had an interesting plot, was actually FUNNY some/most of the time, and had adult themes. There, that's Glee. Oh, and it has one of the best characters of all time in a soulless cheerleading coach. Srsly, some of the one-liners she has...words cannot do justice. In any case, EVERYBODY who I have shown this amazing programme to has been converted, even if some have resisted a little to begin with. Channel 4 are making a massive mistake not making this the centre-piece of their Friday/Sunday-night schedules.

But still, enough of what I have to say about it. I'll do as Girls Aloud and let the funky music do the talking...






I may have to kill the first person who dismisses this as nothing more than a karaoke show. What you are witnessing here is my transformation from a barely-respectable music critic to a full-blown Gleek...

I'm a free bitch, baby ☭ 'The Fame Monster'

Well, I may have been a *tad* hasty in selecting my favourite albums of the moment. GaGa's Fame Monster leaked in its entirety last night, and my suspicions were confirmed: it's fucking amazing.

10 Bad Romance ☭ MY LORD. There is nothing that can be said about this that hasn't already been said. I think I prefer this to Poker Face (the chord progression in the chorus is far better IMO), and it's definitely one of my favourite songs of the year (and it must be noted that I'm nowhere near deciding my favourite of what has been a spectacular year). The video is almost certainly one of the best of the decade in my honest opinion.
10 Alejandro ☭ GAHHH. I adore the Ace of Base-esque synths peppered throughout, along with the underlying ethnic undertones, mixed into what would without these elements just be GaGa-by-numbers. I can't actually get the chorus out of my head.
9.5 Monster ☭ I LOVE IT. It's like Just Dance evolved post-GaGa's triumph, and the lyrics are totally killer. The middle eight is spectacular stuff (with a nice little recognition of the small debt that Monster owes to her debut hit!), but it does seem a little bit like Monster is just an amalgamation of all of GaGa's biggest hits to date...although given that these are some of the best songs of the year, is that even a real criticism?
10 Speechless ☭ OK, let's move past the Again, Again comparisons - whilst retaining the bluesy, cabaret edge of that song, Speechless is far, far more anthemic and really comes off more as a reformation of AA in response to her experiences throughout the year. An archetypal example of how TFM is a nod towards and an evolution of the album it was originally supposed to be packaged with.
09 Dance In The Dark ☭ Think Disco Heaven but with a far stronger chorus, and MUCH better production. Whilst I do love this song, I can't help but be put off by the fact that the chorus is *slightly* too high for GaGa (you can hear her straining her vocals just a little bit, and I can't help but feel this would be very patchy performed live). I LIVE for the Vogue rip-off at the end though. Seriously, can we get this album on in a club or something soon?
10 Telephone ☭ DID SOMEBODY JUST SAY BILLBOARD #1 SMASH? I love the subtle harp in the background of the verses which segues into the clubtastic bridge-chorus, even if the chorus is a bit tackayyy. Plus, I totally love it when Beyonce summons her inner ANGRY BLACK GURL for her verse (see under 'Ring The Alarm, Diva; amazingness of'). GaGa is totally spoilt for choice with choosing the second single, and I might actually have to scream if she goes with Dance In The Dark.
EDIT: According to gagadaily.com, this IS the second single! SENSE PREVAILS.
8.5 So Happy I Could Die ☭ This one comes off as a more club-suitable version of 'Eh, Eh', and I wasn't too hot on that one either. However, I DO quite love this one, although it is definitely the 'weak' point of the album (although with an album as fantastic as this there really isn't such a thing...or if there is, it really doesn't matter). The culmination chorus could really have used some improvement, but other than that the production and verses are still amazing.
10 Teeth ☭ OH MY FUCKING GOD. Beautiful Dirty Rich was one of my favourites on The Fame, and that is about the closest I can compare this to. So, as an evolution of that...THIS IS FUCKING FANTASTIC. 'Show me ya teeth' is really competing with 'DON'T CALL MY NAME, ALEJANDRO' for the lyric that just REFUSES to leave you alone, and as a constant chant with spoken-word relations to her lover/s interwoven throughout there's no avoiding it. It's like Beautiful Dirty Rich melded with some brass, got rid of the synths and become a Brechtian sexual anthem. AMAZING.

AVERAGE: 9.625

Overall, I would say that it is very very obvious that this is a sequel to The Fame - I would probably refer to this as The Fame v1.5, as it clearly takes into account her experiences and musical evolution over the past twelve months, and all of the tracks clearly have strong influences from some of the tracks on that album (some to the point of near self-plagiarism!). All in all I would say this is definitely one of the albums of the year, and I'm very very excited to see where she'll go with her third album!

You and me could engage in some spontaneous combustion/sex trafficking/product placement

Long live the GaG reflex! Here's what I'm currently bumming:


(Seriously, I swear I must be responsible for about a million of those 9 million views. Best video ever much?)

01 ☭ Lady GaGa • Bad Romance
02 ☭ Glee Cast • Don't Stop Believin'
03 ☭ Glee Cast • Alone
04 ☭ Leona Lewis • Happy (Jason Nevins Remix)
05 ☭ Sugababes • About A Girl
06 ☭ Britney Spears • 3
07 ☭ Black Eyed Peas • Meet Me Halfway
08 ☭ Ke$ha • TiK ToK
09 ☭ Marina & The Diamonds • Mowgli's Road
10 ☭ Snow Patrol • Just Say Yes

11 ☭ Rihanna • Russian Roulette
12 ☭ Little Boots • Remedy (Wideboys Stadium Radio Edit)
13 ☭ Owl City • Fireflies
14 ☭ Glee Cast • Bust Your Windows
15 ☭ Jeffree Star • Lollipop Luxury
16 ☭ Linda Sundblad • 2 All My Girls
17 ☭ Paloma Faith • New York
18 ☭ Beautiful Small Machines • Robots In Love
19 ☭ Marina & The Diamonds • I Am Not A Robot
20 ☭ The Good Natured • Your Body is a Machine

21 ☭ Daniel Merriweather & Adele • Water and a Flame
22 ☭ Cheryl Cole • Fight For This Love
23 ☭ Robbie Williams • Bodies
24 ☭ Mohamed Ali • Satellite
25 ☭ Simon Curtis • Delusional
26 ☭ La Roux • Quicksand
27 ☭ Little Boots • Earthquake
28 ☭ Alexandra Burke; Flo Rida • Bad Boys
29 ☭ Ellie Goulding • Under The Sheets
30 ☭ Mika • Rain
31 ☭ Ou Est Le Swimming Pool • Dance The Way I Feel

I've also ordained the following albums to be at least preferable to a kick in the balls:

Glee Cast • Glee: The Music, Volume 1
Leona Lewis • Echo
Owl City • Ocean Eyes
Paloma Faith • Do You Want The Truth or Something Beautiful?
The Saturdays • Wordshaker
Shakira • She Wolf
Tiësto • Kaleidoscope
Vanessa Amorosi • Hazardous

'I'm beginning to sense a theme here...'

Decade Review: 2000

And with 2009 swiftly drawing to a close, the inevitable reviews of the decade begin...

...so it makes sense to start from the beginning! I will periodically release a review of each year, culminating in December with a list of the 100 songs that summarised the decade!

So, let us begin with the 26 songs which defined 2000 (Spotify playlist alert!)...

01. Kelis - Caught Out There
02. Samantha Mumba - Always Come Back To Your Love
03. Eminem; Dido - Stan
04. Melanie C - I Turn To You (Hex Hector Radio Mix)
05. Outkast - B.O.B. (Bombs Over Baghdad)
06. Samantha Mumba - Gotta Tell You
07. Melanie C; Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes - Never Be The Same Again
08. Britney Spears - Born To Make You Happy
09. Fragma - Toca's Miracle
10. All Saints - Pure Shores

11. Britney Spears - Stronger
12. Kylie Minogue - Your Disco Needs You
13. Radiohead - Idioteque
14. S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
15. Britney Spears - Lucky
16. Sonique - It Feels So Good
17. Peaches - Fuck The Pain Away
18. Sugababes - Overload
19. Billie Piper - Day & Night
20. Pet Shop Boys - You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You're Drunk
21. Moby - Porcelain
22. LeAnn Rimes - Can't Fight The Moonlight (SPOTIFY, WHY ARE YOU MISSING #1s FROM YOUR CATALOGUE? Get to it thx.)
23. Britney Spears - Oops...I Did It Again
24. Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
25. Eminem - The Real Slim Shady
26. Destiny's Child - Indepedent Women Part I

Mmm, I know. 2000 really hasn't aged well, has it? In fact, I'd almost go as far as saying that these songs are the few from that year that still remain listenable on their own merits...and even then, the bottom few are pushing it a bit.

Nonetheless, despite its shortcomings it did manage to provide us with some classics. Case in point at number 5 with the jungle-hip hop-gospel-funk-rock-soul genre-fuck that was Outkast's Bombs Over Baghdad, a relentless sprint of a track which was shamelessly ignored at the time (and only resurrected in 2003 a la Born In The USA for completely misguided reasons). While I can't help but think Pitchfork are being a tad over the top in their placing of the track as the greatest the decade has to offer, Bombs Over Baghdad certainly does stand as testament to the genius of Outkast at their very best.

Still, other than that those 26, what a pathetic year. Srsly, two number ones for A1 and three for Westlife? Get out.

Don't call my name, don't call my name.

OK, so I lied. The September plan didn't *quite* work out. Blame life as ever. I'm sure my faithful reader/s will forgive me for not rushing to the blog to document my thoughts on the Sugababes ditching Kesha for Jade (ambivalent), La Roux choosing the absolute non-entity of a track I'm Not Your Toy for third single (awful choice, good video, Quicksand re-release next plz), and the other ephemera of the pop world in the last two months with other pressing matters such as UghCAS to be dealing with.

But still! I'm here now, and here's my latest round-up of what you should be legally required to listen to (although I've likely been beaten to it by everybody else):

DollFace

Tragic name. I love mid-name capitalisation in most cases. Here I don't. Dollface is pretty bleh as well for a name, but in any case Madame Yulanda Lindsay (ex-member of The Silhouettes - flop pop group that was looking to jump on the retro 60s bandwagon at the end of 2008 but realised that it had really noticed it far too late) is likely going to be one of the biggest newcomers for 2010. Dollface blends some severely catchy electropop with urban influences, and you only have to listen to Miss Jamaica (think a slightly more subtle Disturbia but with a chorus just as massive) to know that this girl is going places. The other tracks on her MySpace show just as much potential, but Miss Jamaica is the kind of thing that could be #1 for weeks on end (or just the week given the current trend for number ones...) and is definitely one of the tracks of the year so far for me at least! Here's hoping her backing from Popjustice isn't as much of a curse as it has been for some previous Popjustice Almighty artists...

Dollface - Miss Jamaica on YouTube

Dollface on MySpace

SamSaya

I've been aware of this Indo-Norwegian urban popstress for a while now, but until now I haven't really thought much of her (You may or may not be aware of her previous track Money. It doesn't matter if you aren't because it DEFINES '7/10') as her material just hasn't been that overwhelming. No longer...

ADHD (Forget Me Not) is an urban-pop masterpiece. The production is punchy (although the beat is derivative of something I can't quite put my finger on...can anyone help?), the verses sleek, the bridge a fantastic build to the chorus, and the chorus a half-desperate, half-angry rant against her mental problems and how her indecisive lover really isn't helping things, which rounds off with a gloriously simple and brain-dead yet brain-dominating hook consisting of 'love me' repeated over that spectacular beat. With the right promotion this could get SamSaya a good hit in the UK as well as across the Atlantic, but if she wants anything more she'll need to improve the other material...until then, I'm more than happy to deal with SamSaya's shouts against a poor attention span.

SamSaya - ADHD (Love Me Not) on YouTube

SamSaya on MySpace

Tiësto

Until this album I really did not count myself as a Tiësto fan at all. Thank you Spotify for allowing me to correct this oversight...

Kaleidoscope is stunning. Make no mistake about it, it has to go down as one of the albums of 2009, and is the less well-known but vastly superior equivalent to David Guetta's One Love. Where David Guetta went for the R&B stars (Akon, Kelly Rowland, Estelle, Kid Cudi, will.i.am etc.), Tiësto has gone for left-field, more alternative collaborations - although that's not to say there aren't any stars on here (Nelly Furtado, Calvin Harris, Kele Okereke of Bloc Party anybody?), but tracks with Jonsi of Sigur Ros, Sneaky Sound System, Tegan & Sara and Emily Haines of Metric prove far more rewarding listens than those by artists the average person on the street has probably heard of...

Actually, I lie. Album highlights Kaleidoscope, I Will Be Here and Feel It In My Bones may be, but none of them come close to the throbbing, pounding dark electro of Who Wants To Be Alone, with Furtado's yearning and insecure coos over the top making the whole enterprise a gorgeous yet uneasy affair. It's a sound predominant throughout the album, and to have created such a dark yet lush album serves as testimony to Tiësto's skills as a producer -indeed, the sound is so cohesive that the Okereke track, It's Not The Things You Say, with its bright clinky production, sounds entirely out of place and much too saccharine for its position on the tracklisting, turning what on its own is a good track into one of the weaker moments of the album, especially in between two contemplative instrumentals.

Kaleidoscope is a triumph of electro for 2009, with some fantastic collaboration choices and an almost flawless set of tracks. This stands as one of my favourite surprises of the year given Tiësto's track record for tired trance, and is an absolute must-listen for fans of dark, brooding electro.

9/10

Tiësto on MySpace

Tiësto feat. Nelly Furtado - Who Wants To Be Alone? on ZippyShare

Tiësto feat. Nelly Furtado - Who Wants To Be Alone? on YouTube

Lady GaGa

SWEET JESUS LADY GAGA. What on earth you were thinking when you went for that album cover over the absolute GENIUS artwork we got a preview of in July I will never know (that font? SRSLY?), but at least you made up for it with Bad Romance, which has to go down as the best cover of Poker Face to date (and is released on iTunes tomorrow, squee!). A full arms-in-the-air shout out to relationships that just aren't destined to work, BR must be worshipped for outdoing its original inspiration (can we get a mash-up up in this bitch?) as well as giving full scope for what I hope will be the best video of 2009. Alejandro is also spectacular, and I'm metaphorically salivating (not yet literally. You may be my electro-Jesus GaGa, but you are not yet amidst the heights of La Roux and Prince, my dear.) for the other tracks that Fame Monster has yet to deliver us. We NEED more popstars who treat album re-releases as almost entire new albums unto themselves, GaGa has demonstrated that everybody wins when this happens.

Except Heidi Slimani and her reputation of course.

Lady GaGa on MySpace

Lady GaGa - Bad Romance on YouTube

Lady GaGa - Alejandro on YouTube

And with that, I bid you farewell until whenever. December probably given my track record...

Oh my!

Well, hasn't the world changed since I last posted? Little Boots has been well and truly fucked over by Atlantic, La Roux has shocked everyone and become more successful than her, and produced the best first two thirds of an album EVER*, and Jade Ewen proved all the idiots wrong and once and for all proved the claims of political voting to be false, finishing fifth overall and tenth on televoting in the Eurovision.

Speaking of Jade Ewen, isn't My Man just FABULOX? Bitch got herself some style right thurrr. Punching Out is also QUITE fantastic, although I'm forbidden to share it with y'all unfortunately :( EDIT: I can now! Linky at the bottom. EXCLUSIVE STUFF.

What I can share with you however is a few minutes of absolutely extravagant and energetic pop care of acoustic-turned-pop diva Priscilla Renea, with the Max Martin/Dr. Luke inspired 'Dollhouse'. The verses are gorgeous, the bridge is epic, and I DEFY you to not be won over by the Hot N Cold-esque chorus! Definitely one for the future. The acoustic version is also quite adorable for those who care to have these things a little more stripped back, and is fairly easy to locate upon leTube.

And with that I'm SPENT, although this blog will return to normal operation in September!

*Claim may be pure hyperbole.

Priscilla Renea - Dollhouse

*EXCLUSIVE* Jade Ewen - Punching Out *EXCLUSIVE*

I don't have a penny but I'll show you a good time...

Some of you may come to know that I absolutely adore Little Boots, in much the same way as some of you may come to realise that eating your shoes is rarely a good way to pass the time. So, if you haven't yet realised it, here it is. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE Little Boots. The italo-disco influences, the Dead Disco stuff, the personality, the fact she hasn't made a bad song yet, I could go on...but anyway, I have been in love with this woman since I first heard Meddle back in May/June last year.

So, I was naturally rather excited when I could finally listen to an unadulterated version of New In Town as opposed to the trillion or so remixes that I have been pestered with since I first tried searching for it. And here it is...

Little Boots - New In Town on YooToob

Well, it really is quite glorious, and will almost certainly get her the smash #1 she deserves on its release on May 25th etc. etc...but amongst all that, I can't help but be reminded of several songs at once, none of which I can quite put my finger on. I'm a tad disconcerted also by the fact it's the first Boots song that actually sounds like it's been crafted with the idea of being a smash hit in mind - which, don't get me wrong here, isn't necessarily a bad thing at all, but New In Town definitely sounds distinctly different to her other output to date...in the vocal delivery perhaps? I don't know, I can't put my finger on it at all. None of this stops New In Town from being an epic tune which I will doubtless be willing to douse myself in petrol and set myself alight for by May (once Eurovision has relinquished my affections of course...), and of course that is all that matters. Carry on Victoria, and let's hope that you have a nice Dr. Luke/Max Martin smash for us for your third single! <3

Rating: 9/10
Link: Little Boots - New In Town

BLEH

Well, I just typed out a nice long blog with my new chart etc., only for bloody FYEpro to tell me that my unique URL generator had expired and refuse to let me go back and save the blog. Score one to the anti-blog movement :@

But ANYWAY, I had actually come to deliver two divinations:

1) I have suddenly fallen dramatically in love with Taylor Swift's Love Story. The original version for anyone unsure as to whether I am actually a dutty redneck or not. Result: a resounding yes :(

2) Malena has an alright song, but was not a good choice for Sweden...E.M.D. or Alcazar would've been far, far better. Or even Maria Haukaas Storeng, but they fucked that one up in the semi heats...I will deliver my full judgement on all 42 songs later.

I had a third one which I've now forgotten -_- Such is life!

Trash Loffs 15/3

So, I may as well get this party started, to quote Shirley Bassey quoting P!nk. What do I loff this week? ;o

mnek


Well, some of you may already be aware of this HIDEOUSLY talented 14 year old, who rather fantastically subverts the stereotype a la thecocknbullkid/Santogold/Remi Nicole and decides to NOT churn out the 'requisite' urban fodder. Devil In Pumps is really quite fantastic, and am I alone in thinking he sounds a bit will.i.am-esque when he half-raps (as when he claims that the aforementioned devil is wearing 'innocent ATIYAHHH')? Either way, mnek (pronounced with each letter) does boast the requisite electropop influences for 2009 (Frankmusik, Pet Shops Boys etc.), and is definitely one to look out for.

mnek on MySpace

YENN


Yes, the very pretty YENN has also got some rather poptastic music up her sleeve...but very little of it on YooToob unfortunately...or obviously accessible on her MySpace <_< However, a quick trip to File2HD with her MySpace input solves everything, and unveils the slow and unremarkable Show Me Your Heaven...but more importantly, the trashily addictive So Good To Be Wrong, in its original form littered with 'whoa oh whoa's and a beat just as brain dominating, but also accompanied by several remixes, none of which I've listened to yet! *burns in blogger hell* In short, So Good To Be Wrong is definitely worth checking out.

YENN on MySpace

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Zero // It's Blitz!


GOD this album is glorious. Never had myself down as much of a YYYs fan until this, but with tracks such as the utterly addictive Zero, which currently resides at 3 in my chart, along with highlights such as Hysteric and Skeletons and Heads Will Roll, what is seriously not to love? The whole album is apparently listenable on MySpace, but I can't see it...File2HD can see it for anyone who is interested however! For an album this good though, purchasing is quite obv a necessity on release...

Yeah Yeah Yeahs on MySpace

Erik Hassle - Hurtful


No, he isn't particularly photogenic - add a gold necklace to that picture and you've got yourself a street corner-variety chav in Sheffield at 3am - but with tracks as FABULOX as Hurtful, does it matter? A heartfelt track underpinned by a constant military drum (easily the best use of prominent drum on a track since Portishead's Machine Gun). That chorus as well...*swoons*

The next person to compare this to The Script is getting it in the kidneys.


Video for Hurtful (WARNING: SECKS IMPLIED)

Erik Hassle on MySpace

Well, isn't this all lovely...

Yes, I finally joined that heaving mass, the mass of the blog. WOO.

Trashlexis will write what he loves today at a later hour.