Kylie // 'The Greatest Album of All Time' (working title, album unconfirmed, release date TBA)

God, look how much Botox she's pumped into those lips.

Oh, right, you wanted me to post about her MUSIC. Well, I heard a rumour a while ago that Kylie was set to record a cover of this year's fabulous but tragically universally-ignored The Girl and the Robot by umlaut-tastic electro-ambiencepoppers Röyksopp featuring the delightfully ubiquitous (well, in THIS genre at least) vocal talents of Robyn. As the end-of-year/decade lists become, well, less delightfully ubiquitous, attention of course focuses on the more spectacularly universal tracks, of which the aforementioned track devoted to femme avec robot is one.

So, I was taken by a thought inspired whilst listening to Miike Snow's Plastic Jungle, which I thought bore more than a passing resemblence (in a more lo-fi, trashy, parodical way) to the also once less delightfully ubiquitous Can't Get You Out of My Head (how horrifically prescient that song title turned out to be!), and then...an idea was forged.

Yes, you guessed it. A 2CD Kylie album devoted to covering flop electropop tracks.

Obviously such a confection shall never come to the light of day, but in my head she just sent out a press release announcing the tracklisting to be as follows (and one resplete with YouTube links for those of us unfamiliar with the originals, how thoughtful of her!), and I personally cannot wait.

01 // Vinegar (original by Anna Abreu)
02 // Chelsea (original by Stefy)
03 // What A Feeling (original by Namie Amuro)
04 // Bossy (original by Lindsay Lohan)
05 // Reprogram My Heart (original by Linda Teodosiu)
06 // Hello Heartbreak (original by Michelle Williams)
07 // Can't Let Go (original by Linda Kiraly)
08 // Pick Me Up (original by Emilia de Poret)
09 // Chewing Gum (original by Annie)
10 // Into the Nightlife (original by Cyndi Lauper)
11 // I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me (original by Annie)
12 // Method of Modern Love (original by Saint Etienne)

01 // The Girl and the Robot (original by Röyksopp ft. Robyn)
02 // You Made Your Bed (original by Red Blooded Women)
03 // Plastic Jungle (original by Miike Snow)
04 // One Word (original by Kelly Osbourne)
05 // Anthonio (original by Annie)
06 // Will You Remember Me Tomorrow? (original by Margaret Berger)
07 // Mysterious (original by Isabel Guzman)
08 // Destroy Everything You Touch (original by Ladytron)
09 // Baptized By Fire (original by Spinnerette)
10 // Winter Rose (original by Firefox AK)
11 // Magic (original by Ladyhawke)
12 // Embrace (original by PNAU ft. Ladyhawke)

As I'm sure you can all see, singles would be almost impossible to choose (they all deserved to be hits the first time around!). However, my preferred order would PROBABLY be something along the lines of The Girl and the Robot > Will You Remember Me Tomorrow? > Destroy Everything You Touch > Into the Nightlife > Embrace/Magic double A-side. Even that, which is oriented towards covering most of the flavours and moods on the album, still misses out a lot of the mood on the first CD, so it would obviously be quite difficult and very open to the prospect of the record label being absolute twats with single choices.

But seriously, someone put me in touch with her publicist. THIS MUST HAPPEN.

Trashlexis Top 101 of the 00s // 80-76

Here are more songs you should like. If you do not like them, please exercise your freedom of speech so I can reply with a humorous gif of some sort.

080 // Nelly Furtado – Powerless (2003) // #1
079 // Aaliyah – More Than A Woman (2002) // #1
078 // Sugababes – Hole In The Head (2003) // #1
077 // Missy Elliott – Pass That Dutch (2003) // #1
076 // Britney Spears – Born To Make You Happy (2000) // #1

I'm of the opinion that Powerless gets WAY too much hate. Yeah, it's rednecky, yeah it's ethnic to the max and really not conducive to a big comeback, and it was a dubious choice for lead single, but it's a nice song that really underpeaked considering how much airplay it got. And don't get me started on chart injustices from this album; I'll never stop. Mo' to come from this lady.

I'm of the very offensive opinion that Aaliyah just retroactively ripped off Ciara. More Than A Woman, however, is an absolute tune. Hence inclusion etc.

Let us clear this one up. I have VERY LITTLE TIME for the Sugababes pre-Amelle. The singles tended to be very hit-and-miss (contrary to the rest of the world, I was never all that fussed over Round Round). Hole In The Head however is sleek, foxy, and really represents what the Sugababes were supposed to be best I feel. Not to say I don't love their other material (and indeed, they have another entry on this chart (and no, it isn't Girls) later on), but HITH will go down as a BBZ classic. Not to mention it being one of the few things worth bothering about in the musical desert that was 2003.

UNDENIABLE CLUB SMASH. Pass That Dutch made the already spectacular Mean Girls about three times as good. I would also like to have this track playing as I walk down corridors with my bitchy friends thx.

Born To Make You Happy is classic mid-tempo throwaway pop balladry at its best. This must be recognised as fact.

Trashlexis' Top 101 of the 00s // 85-81

MORE GOOD SONGS.

085 // Muse – Hysteria (2003) // #1
084 // Nelly Furtado – I’m Like A Bird (2001) // #1
083 // Kate Nash – Foundations (2007) // #1
082 // Sam Sparro – Black & Gold (2008) // #4
081 // Hercules and Love Affair; Antony Hegarty – Blind (2008) // #DNC

Hysteria = teen angst anthem. I'm Like A Bird = teen angst anthem. Foundations = teen angst anthem. Black & Gold = teen (with philosophy textbook) angst anthem. Blind = teen disco-revival anthem. THIS IS AN ANGSTY LIST.

Actually, it isn't.

Trashlexis' Top 101 of the 00s: 90-86

090 // Death Cab For Cutie – I Will Follow You Into The Dark (2005) #DNC
089 // Black Eyed Peas – My Humps (2005) #1
088 // Beyoncé; Jay-Z – Crazy In Love (2003) #1
087 // Holly Valance – Kiss Kiss (2002) #1
086 // Samantha Mumba – Gotta Tell You (2000) #1

Death Cab aren't normally my thing, but I Will Follow... is just GORGEOUS. It probably slips too far into 'Hey There Delilah' territory for most other people, but I love so it stays.

EVERYTHING about My Humps tells me I should despise it. The ridiculous lyrics, the...well, the lyrics are probably reason enough. BUT OMG IT JUST WORKS. Even if the 'my lovely lady lumps' line makes me think of Fergie as a supermodel who's just had a car accident and now has a mental age of 6.

I know of nobody who dislikes Crazy In Love, apart from people who don't like music. APOLS FOR OFFENDING PEOPLE IN ADVANCE.

MWAH. I really, really hope Holly actually returns to music (and is produced by Frankmusik mmhm) next year, because at her best she was really quite something. Still, to quote somebody, every ho and their weave are doing electropop these days, so it'll probably all go to shit anyway.

Gotta Tell You is on this list by virtue of being one of the few pop songs from 2000 that doesn't sound so horrifically dated that I want to put my ears in a blender. GOOD WORK SAM. Poor bish probably looks back on getting top fives with longing seeing as she couldn't even sell 100 tickets for a live performance last year. As ever, I blame the record labels.

Trashlexis' Top 101 of the 00s // 95-91

095 // Christina Aguilera; Redman – Dirrty (2002) // #1
094 // Britney Spears – Womanizer (2008) // #1
093 // Priscilla Renea – Dollhouse (2009) // #1
092 // Ke$ha – TiK ToK (2009) // #2
091 // Janet Jackson – Feedback (2008) // #1

Yeah, Dirrty is Xtina going trashy, therefore amazing etc. In truth, my love for Dirrty is entirely mindless. It's a good track mK?

OK, I KNOW. Womanizer is basically just a mash-up of Ooh Ooh Baby and Radar. BUT, it makes it amazing so that's why it's on here. Plus, it also has the greatest video featuring a dance scene in an office of 2008. FACT. That explosion of people 2 minutes and 7 seconds in still excites me today. Truly glorious video. Square eggs? Love it.

Dollhouse! This track is adorable in the verses, but so energetic and empowered in the chorus, yet somehow it all WORKS. Throw in some Hot N Cold-esque production and a killer delivery from Priscilla and you have one of my favourite tracks of the year so far. I was surprised to see it Bubble Under in America, but disappointed that it didn't go any further DOLLHOUSE TO SMASH WORLDWIDE IN 2010 KTHX?

Well, TiK ToK is basically just my night before AND morning after anthem. And night after the morning after the night before anthem. I don't care if it's just a slutted up version of Love At First Sight, it's an absolute killer tune. Ke$ha also just today proved there's more to her by leaking an album which is probably going to be the album of 2010 for me, seeing as basically everything on there could be a single.

FEEDBACK LOL. Seriously, this was the best thing that this bish had recorded in, what, seven years? But even so, this electro&B groove would've been NOTHING without that hilariously dire middle eight. As lyrics go 'FLIER THAN A PELICAN' and 'I'M HEAVY LIKE A FIRST DAY PERIOD' are definitely amongst the greatest of the decade, if not all time. Possibly even better in the 'so awful it's amazing' stakes than Diva AND See You Again!

Actually, that's a complete lie.

Top 101 of the 00s! // 101-96

After much deliberation, I have FINALLY whittled down a decade of fantastic songs (all 404 via Spotify) to 101 essential tracks for defining the decade. UNFORCH due to Spotify unavailability some spectacular tracks (about 10 or 20?) missed out, but I'll do an addendum afterwards covering 'em. Until then, feast yourself on a gluttonous orgy of spectacular music!

POSITION // ARTIST - SONG (YEAR) // PEAK POSITION ON MY CHART

All songs have YouTube links, where possible.

101 // The 411 - Dumb (2004) // #2
100 // The Pussycat Dolls; Timbaland – Wait A Minute (2006) // #1 (1 week)
099 // Beyoncé – Diva (2009) // #3
098 // Beyoncé – Sweet Dreams (2009) // #3
097 // Stereophonics – Dakota (2005) // #1 (2 weeks)
096 // Jamiroquai – Seven Days In Sunny June (2005) // #1 (4 weeks)

OK I CHEATED SOZ. I had to have 101 because, generic as it is, Dumb is just too fantastic to be left out.

Wait A Minute is ALSO a tune, being the first hint that KFC addiction was providing Timbaland with inspiration, even if the muse has worn off a tad by now.

OK, let's just clear this up. DIVA IS ACTUALLY AMAZING. I too despised it at first, but realised the error of my ways. Beyoncé getting out her angry black gurrrl ALWAYS = win. Except on Video Phone, that remains f***ing dire even with GodGa's addition. Sweet Dreams is also spectacular but is on here more for reasons of great memories if it seems an odd inclusion.

Dakota is the only good song the Stereophonics have ever done. FACT. End of the matter, they can die now thx.

I used to be a MASSIVE Jamiroquai fan but the passage of time really hasn't been kind to their music Seven Days... does remain a summer anthem of mine however, and it'd be pretty hard for it not to seeing as it's pretty timeless. Feels Just Like It Should on the other hand...

Forgive me baby, cos I gotta take a chance tonight

I can't be the first blogger to take a completely unplanned/enforced three-week blog break, can I?

I'll find more stuff to talk about as and when, this album STILL won't let me out of its grasp.